Am I a Gay?

The idea that people are born, “gay” or "trans" still lacks credible scientific support.

Yet, secular culture is bombarding us with this belief, while punishing those who challenge it, causing people to unnecessarily question their identity and relationship potential. Hence, we must equip ourselves with accurate information to become familiar with those issues that easily get confused with “being gay or being "trans."”. Sometimes the challenge is due to anxiety and fear. There are many reasons which can contribute to a person's incorrect self-identification.

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​5 REASONS WHY PEOPLE THINK “I’M GAY”​

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1. TO MEET CORE EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Belonging, recognition, autonomy and meaning. Young people who are missing out on these basic needs can convince themselves that they are inherently gay or they can be powerfully drawn to the gay identity and LGBTQ+ community.

2. LUST TRIGGERS

These are arousal reactions to various body parts, physiques, hairstyles, garments or interaction involving either the same-sex or the opposite-sex, or even an object, which are defined by the following 5 criteria. Childhood based, Recurring, Involuntary, Specific part-object, and Powerfully intense. (Acronym CRISP).

These common types of arousal reactions are based on childhood and adolescent coping strategies. They are subconsciously used to help the child psychologically survive acute or chronic types of neglect and abuse. In this case of the child turns to fantasy to cope with their difficult reality. For example, they may automatically become fixated on a person or object in their immediate vicinity that— in reality or in their imagination —helps them feel calm, special and in control. Around puberty time, these people or objects, can become easily eroticized.

Understanding this background helps us know that these reactions are (a) exactly the same no matter the trigger type, whether the same-sex, opposite sex, or even object and that (b) they have nothing to do with one’s nature or capacity for heterosexual relationships. Lust triggers are not inherently problematic, unless: (a) people become emotionally dependent on or addicted to using this lust as a kind of drug to manage other life frustrations and (b) cause persistent distress and confusion when people compare these strong and immediate lust reactions to their more slowly developing and fluctuating sexual feelings in intimate relationships.

3. PATHOLOGIZING LACK OF IMMEDIATE AROUSAL WITH OPPOSITE SEX

Our culture leads people to believe that they should be immediately aroused when meeting members of the opposite sex, causing them to date with their “lust glasses” and focus less on the other person’s qualities and the actual connection between them. Our culture also leads people to think that they are unusual or inherently different if they don’t always feel interested or romantically or sexually drawn to the opposite sex, when this is normal, when there may be some common-sense reasons for this and when can this easily change once we meet the right person and develop a connection to them.

4. OPPOSITE SEX, DISINTEREST, FEAR, OR CONTEMPT

People’s interests in meeting, dating and interacting with the opposite sex is naturally informed by their past experience, whether in childhood or adulthood. This explains the wide range of attitudes that people have about heterosexual dating. So when we have past negative experiences, it shouldn’t be surprising if there is a lack of interest and excitement toward the opposite sex. If excitement were a prerequisite of dating and marriage, however, many people would not even try. But as with many other things in life, once a person meets the right match, their interest and excitement can easily and quickly pique.

5. IDENTITY BARRIERS

If people are convinced that they are either inherently gay or incapable of heterosexual attraction, then they may be subconsciously blocked from developing a heterosexual connection or from taking a possible connection seriously. As I’ve heard many clients say to me, “But I’m gay so this connection isn’t real”, or, “A more serious relationship isn’t possible with this person who I like.” Identity labels can be useful. But they also can trap and reduce people in ways that are harmful.