Relationship Assumptions

1. Assumption: Immediate lack of opposite-sex attraction or a lack of general romantic and sexual interest, means that the person cannot ever have a normal heterosexual relationship.

This is a assumption created by the media and LGBTQ ideology. If this were true, many people would not have heterosexual relationships and get married. A law of human nature is that sexual energy can get activated through physical and emotional closeness to anyone – regardless of age, gender, race, appearance or type of relation – when there are some predictable factors involved such as: “personality chemistry”, frequent alone time doing enjoyable things, letting one’s

emotional guard down and just being receptive to creating a deeper connection with someone in general. This law of nature applies even if we are at first not physically attracted or romantically interested in that person. This law also applies even if we have a history of fantasies and experiences with only one gender or a specific type of person/object

.

2. Assumption: Relationship or sexual disinterest in the opposite-sex has no other explanation that “being inherently gay”.

There is no credible science behind the idea of people being “naturally and immutably gay or straight”. But there are several predictable and common-sense reasons to explain why a person may not feel romantically interested in or attracted to the opposite sex, all of which can easily be resolved. These reasons have nothing to do with one’s inherent capacity for heterosexual

relationships or “natural sexual identity”.

For instance, not clearly identifying the types of opposite-sex partners that one would easily “gel” with in personality, looks and values can cause people to consistently feel bored or disinterested in the people they date. A person’s lack of interest and excitement could be easily caused by negative experiences with opposite sex family members or prior intimate relationships. People with low confidence and self-esteem issues, or any number of psychological symptoms, may be uninterested in the idea of having an intimate relationship, or just too scared to even try. Or people with lust-triggers can develop outsized and unrealistic

arousal expectations, where they implicitly expect to feel just as quickly and powerfully activate with their opposite-sex date as they do with their preferred same-sex lust-trigger.

Last, and perhaps most interestingly, when people have already concluded that they are “inherently gay”—whether or not they are public about this identity—this rigid belief can act almost like a physical barrier to opposite-sex bonding making these efforts doomed from the get- go. Since in the mind they are already “gay”, they will subconsciously resist a connection no matter how compatible they are.

All of these issues can easily be identified and addressed by a qualified therapist, dating coach, rabbi or life coach.

​3. Assumption: People attracted to the same gender must be inherently gay or bisexual, pansexual or omnisexual etc. and can never have a fulfilling and lasting monogamous heterosexual relationship.

Not so. As human beings we can’t help but notice, look at and want to be close to those who we find attractive for whatever reason, regardless of age, race, gender or type of relation. For example, many men will often report wanting to be friends with other men who are attractive and confident, even when there are no romantic and sexual intentions or undertones. And the same goes with women. But this is not at all the same as romantic interest and sexual attraction.

When it comes to romantic excitement and sexual arousal, there are also some specific “scientific laws” involved. First, in order to develop romantic and sexual interest in someone, we have to want it in general. Unless it is an involuntary “lust-trigger” as described earlier, if we consciously or subconsciously don’t want such a relationship to begin with for whatever reason, it is unlikely that we will give it a fair shot.

Second, physical and emotional closeness naturally breads sexual interest, which is why any two women or two men who do not put up healthy boundaries in their friendship, can report feeling an occasional spark of attraction or sexual impulse, even though they never intended to feel this and even though they would never pursue it.

Third, nowadays with sexual norms much more relaxed, same-sex fantasy and experience is no longer considered that unusual that it has to be labeled as some kind of ingrained or abnormal issue.

The assumption that people with histories of same-sex attraction will inevitably destroy their heterosexual marriages and should therefore avoid them at all costs, is alone responsible for unnecessarily scaring healthy men and women—and even gay-identified men and women who are feeling dissatisfied with their lifestyle—away from pursuing heterosexual relationships,

which they truly want.

As I have heard over and over again from clients, people are being persuaded by the aggressive LGBTQ+ messaging that they will inevitably be unsatisfied, cheat on their spouse and cause irreparable damage to many, a one-size-fits-all catastrophizing scare-tactic fueled by the media’s cherry picking of traumatic marriages-gone-wrong to unfairly paint a larger distorted picture.

The fact that the media singles out this issue of same-sex attraction as an inevitable cause of marital dissatisfaction in ways that it would never do with other well-known issues such as PTSD, narcissism, sociopathy and substance-abuse, makes it easy to see the deeper political agendas behind these media-generated stories.

​4. Assumption: Most people date and marry the opposite sex because they are filled with romantic and sexual excitement about this possibility. Therefore, it is rare and also telling if a person doesn’t feel this way and they should probably not even try to date or develop heterosexual relationships.

Many people, for many different reasons, are actually not excited about dating or trying to develop a heterosexual marriage. But there are many reasons to marry aside from excitement and tapping into one of these can give people “the boost” they need to get started.

For example, people may want to marry in order to fulfill the Jewish commandments, appear normal and acceptable in one’s community, leave one’s parents, feel more independent and settled in life, have children, give to the next generation, populate the Jewish world, transcend their own feelings of mortality, achieve economic success and material comfort, or just have a dependable trusted life-partner. Typically, even if people get married for these more external

reasons, if the relationship is good and the two partners are truly compatible, they tend to soon feel satisfaction about the intimate relationship itself, as they get to know their partner.